So the last time I wrote anything was almost 8 months ago, wow... well let's say that the person who wrote that article wasn't ready for the challenge that faced him.
My life has completely changed in the last 8 months both for better and for worse.
Weight wise, Christmas was awful, I actually put on about 20 more lbs by the time 2017 had rolled around and I hated myself even more, I'm not sure that was even possible. I think that's the time I really started committing (note how I said started). I slowly have gotten back into the habits of being careful about what I put in my body and although I'm not perfect once I started feeling better and looking a bit better the transition got a lot easier. In fact, my next entry is going to be about that first time you look at yourself in the mirror and notice a difference. I find it like a drug it is an amazing feeling and it helps me to keep going through the hard days.
Speaking of hard day's there have been a lot since I wrote my first post and im going to blame my lack of motivation to write on that.
February 2nd was one of the worst days of my life. My mom and her drinking problem hit rock bottom, it was hell. There is no adequate way to describe that day, but it was also the most important day in her life because she finally shook herself hard enough to realize this was a real problem, she spent some time in the hospital and got through withdrawal. Quit cold turkey actually, Then the first setback came. two months later me and my girlfriend Erin were away visiting my aunt in Boston. I called my mom one night to talk to her and I heard that unmistakable tone in her voice that I had heard for so many years, she had been drinking. I was angry and upset. I felt like she waited until I was gone away to drink again. When I came back from holidays I confronted her and it was ugly, she told me that nobody was going to tell her how to live her life blah blah blah.
Thankfully shortly after that, she quit again. In mid may she was hospitalized for stomach ulcers, no big deal they removed them without incident. Once she got home the issues started going the other way she became sleepy, bloated, sore and without appetite, this combined with her Irish stubbornness and general loathing of hospitals was a recipe for disaster, June 23rd I got a call from my dad, mom had gone to the washroom and fell over. He couldn't get her up and needed my help, well I couldn't get her up either, cue the paramedics and about 1 week later she had deteriorated dramatically. By this point, we had been told what I had already assumed. Cirrhosis, Liver failure and all the awful side effects that come with it. That Wednesday night as I sat in her room talking to what was left of my mom I told her I loved her and I told her goodbye. I left the hospital that night at cried all the way home I honestly believed that was the last time I would see her. Thank god I was wrong, the aforementioned Irish stubbornness carried her through that night and the next few weeks. Here we are today on July 27th and while she is not out of the woods she has bounced back and we are slowly working towards maybe getting her home.
To live more than a year she will need a transplant and now it's all about making her healthy enough to get that transplant.
Wow, that felt good to vent about. I don't realize how much I miss writing until I start to do it again.
So through all that and the last 8 months, i have also managed to drop about 40lbs. I never weighed myself after Christmas but I was around 260 and I'm now around 225 or so.
I think there have been a lot of factors, Eating habits have gotten better, exercising a bit more, stress, drinking water properly and a drive to get healthy after watching mom be so sick.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention I started a new job June 3rd LOL.
I have loads of work to do yet but I'm well on my way. I'll be getting myself a computer in the next week or so, I think and that will help me want to write more blog posts.
Until then, thanks for listening.
-JM
Thursday 27 July 2017
Welcome Back.
Welcome Back, You've been missed here
Today I am starting a journey back to a place that I should have never left.
To tell this story I think it's important to have a little background on me. My name is Jamie MacDonald I am 23 years old and have struggled with weight my entire life.
I can trace it all back to when I was around 9 or 10 years old. I grew at an alarming pace when I was a kid. in fact, the 6'2 (and a half) I stand today was my height at 12 years old. Yup, I was a giant. My parents let me quit soccer because I was whining and complaining. I became friends with a kid who was really, really, really into video games. he was the skinniest kid in school an absolute bone rack. the opposite of me back then. We quickly developed a strong friendship and my sedentary lifestyle kicked off. Pop, Pizza, fast food and zero portion control launched me to 200lbs by the time highschool started in 2007. We became distant and I began hanging out with a new group of friends who were all great athletes. Something I also consider myself even though my weight has always plagued me.
Over the course of high school I rejoined and played a lot of sports but my eating habits were still atrocious. I had no control and would eat impulsively. fast forward to grade 11/12. I got my drivers licence and my old man's pickup truck. we would eat McDonald's almost every day. my weight just took off.
Then "the day" occurred. From all the other people who have gone through massive weight loss that I have spoken with. It sounds like this moment happens to quite a few of us.
It was September 18th, 2010. I and my friend hopped into my truck and drove out to the valley to go fishing. we stopped at McDonald's on the way. Then we stopped again on the way home. One trip to a fast food joint may not seem relevant but it changed my life.
When we stopped I ordered the following
1 Southwest Chicken Burger Crispy. 664 cal
4 Crispy Buffalo Chicken Snack Wraps 230 cal x4 = 920 cal
XL Fries 610 Cal
XL Coke 410
Now I'm not a huge believer in counting calories but I feel it helps impress upon the people the magnitude of my issue. 2604 Calories...For Lunch
I woke up the next day feeling like shit. Actually, I felt worse than shit. and I swore to myself that was it. I would never feel like that again.
The next year of my life consisted of dropping from 278lbs to 195lbs. not everything I did to get there I am proud of but that's a story for another time.
But this story isn't about that guy. It's about the guy who in the 5 years since then slowly slipped back into bad habits. Granted... not as bad as I was but still not good.
Today is November 29th, 2016 and I took the first step on a long journey today. The journey to get back to my healthiest self. To feel good again. To not be afraid to wear t-shirts again, to not feel this way again. For good this time.
I weighed in at 243 lbs this morning and my goal is a strong, healthy, lean, and mean 200 lbs.
They say every journey starts with a single step. Today my first step was not being able to do half of the exercises I planned out for myself and almost puking after 10 minutes on the stair master. To me that struggle is beautiful. It's supposed to suck, you're supposed to want to quit, say fuck this and go sit your ass on the couch. But this isn't my first rodeo. I've looked this devil in the eyes before and spat in his face. I know without a doubt that I can do this again. And I will.
This is my story and I hope that you follow along through this journey and maybe I can help those of you out there who have struggled the way I have.
I probably won't tell anybody about this blog for awhile because I wrote some pretty painful shit in it today. And I'm going to write some painful shit in it in the days to come. Nevertheless I plan on documenting every day, and hopefully, I'm brave enough to share it one day.
I'm going to leave this with a favourite quote of mine from one of my personal hero's Connor Mcgregor
I'm not going to get somewhere and say, 'OK, I'm done.' Success is never final; I'll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I'm going to the stars and then past them.
--Connor Mcgregor
My journey reflects both sides of this quote. My success was final, I never kept going like I said I would. But my failure will not be fatal.
-JM
Today I am starting a journey back to a place that I should have never left.
To tell this story I think it's important to have a little background on me. My name is Jamie MacDonald I am 23 years old and have struggled with weight my entire life.
I can trace it all back to when I was around 9 or 10 years old. I grew at an alarming pace when I was a kid. in fact, the 6'2 (and a half) I stand today was my height at 12 years old. Yup, I was a giant. My parents let me quit soccer because I was whining and complaining. I became friends with a kid who was really, really, really into video games. he was the skinniest kid in school an absolute bone rack. the opposite of me back then. We quickly developed a strong friendship and my sedentary lifestyle kicked off. Pop, Pizza, fast food and zero portion control launched me to 200lbs by the time highschool started in 2007. We became distant and I began hanging out with a new group of friends who were all great athletes. Something I also consider myself even though my weight has always plagued me.
Over the course of high school I rejoined and played a lot of sports but my eating habits were still atrocious. I had no control and would eat impulsively. fast forward to grade 11/12. I got my drivers licence and my old man's pickup truck. we would eat McDonald's almost every day. my weight just took off.
Then "the day" occurred. From all the other people who have gone through massive weight loss that I have spoken with. It sounds like this moment happens to quite a few of us.
It was September 18th, 2010. I and my friend hopped into my truck and drove out to the valley to go fishing. we stopped at McDonald's on the way. Then we stopped again on the way home. One trip to a fast food joint may not seem relevant but it changed my life.
When we stopped I ordered the following
1 Southwest Chicken Burger Crispy. 664 cal
4 Crispy Buffalo Chicken Snack Wraps 230 cal x4 = 920 cal
XL Fries 610 Cal
XL Coke 410
Now I'm not a huge believer in counting calories but I feel it helps impress upon the people the magnitude of my issue. 2604 Calories...For Lunch
I woke up the next day feeling like shit. Actually, I felt worse than shit. and I swore to myself that was it. I would never feel like that again.
The next year of my life consisted of dropping from 278lbs to 195lbs. not everything I did to get there I am proud of but that's a story for another time.
But this story isn't about that guy. It's about the guy who in the 5 years since then slowly slipped back into bad habits. Granted... not as bad as I was but still not good.
Today is November 29th, 2016 and I took the first step on a long journey today. The journey to get back to my healthiest self. To feel good again. To not be afraid to wear t-shirts again, to not feel this way again. For good this time.
I weighed in at 243 lbs this morning and my goal is a strong, healthy, lean, and mean 200 lbs.
They say every journey starts with a single step. Today my first step was not being able to do half of the exercises I planned out for myself and almost puking after 10 minutes on the stair master. To me that struggle is beautiful. It's supposed to suck, you're supposed to want to quit, say fuck this and go sit your ass on the couch. But this isn't my first rodeo. I've looked this devil in the eyes before and spat in his face. I know without a doubt that I can do this again. And I will.
This is my story and I hope that you follow along through this journey and maybe I can help those of you out there who have struggled the way I have.
I probably won't tell anybody about this blog for awhile because I wrote some pretty painful shit in it today. And I'm going to write some painful shit in it in the days to come. Nevertheless I plan on documenting every day, and hopefully, I'm brave enough to share it one day.
I'm going to leave this with a favourite quote of mine from one of my personal hero's Connor Mcgregor
I'm not going to get somewhere and say, 'OK, I'm done.' Success is never final; I'll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I'm going to the stars and then past them.
--Connor Mcgregor
My journey reflects both sides of this quote. My success was final, I never kept going like I said I would. But my failure will not be fatal.
-JM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)